One of the most abusive traits that is the common denominator among Lions in our lives is the crossing of boundaries.

We are living our lives. We have done our work. We created this lovely garden of our ours. We are walking our Possibility Path. We are co-existing in the world.

And then one day a Lion Attacks.
 
It might someone tail gating you on the road aggressively or honking their horn. It may be a neighbor cutting down a tree on your property. It might be a family member coming to visit when you said it wasn’t a good time or a friend sharing a secret that you didn’t want anyone to know.

It might be an accident or a tragedy that triggers fear or anxiety. It could even be unwanted sexual advances, physical attacks, anger thrown at you in ways you could not imagine over something as simple as a game of who won checkers.

The attacks are wide and varied but they all do one thing: they make us feel unsafe.
 
Our personal boundaries are the walls of our garden.
We all have those boundaries. We have our own personal space. We have our own way of looking at life. As individual human beings with each person having their own I the Observer, we all naturally have our own inner and outdoor gardens.
 
As we grow up and change we naturally create new gardens in our lives. We form our own families, we create new belief systems, and we live our own lives.

Some people cannot handle these changes. Some people want you to be just like them or do just what they want you to do. They cannot understand how anyone could have a garden that does not look just like theirs. They cannot understand why you don’t do what they want you to do, when they want you to do it! They get angry. They get mean. They throw guilt, shame, physical attacks, and every trick in the book your way to get you to do and be who they want you to do and be.
 
They could be your grandparents who tell you how horrible you are for living your life the way you do or just that you need to cut your hair. They are your parents who play victim or aggressor to try to get you to do what they want you to do or be who they want you to be. They are your siblings who mock you and taunt you and tease you to bullying depths of despair. They are your childhood friends, neighbors, or church communities who have you believe that you are not good enough just being who you are and you should be in their garden only, and never your own.
 
Some call these people narcissistic. Others are diagnosed with personality inabilities. Some are just labeled judgmental, mean, or bullies. Some are just brain washed antelopes who believe everyone must be in their tribe to survive. Antelopes spend their time herding others constantly to be like the tribe.

Others are just tired, hurt, or angry with life. Most of them are not bad people. They are just Lions. They destroy for many various reasons, some of which we may never know. Most of it is about control.
​
On The Possibility Path we call the people who do not respect our boundaries Lions.

And when Lions attack, it can destroy everyone’s gardens around them.
 
You can be walking down your lovely garden path on a sunny beautiful day in this amazing world you have built for yourself and out of the blue, you see a Lion.

Immediately your blood pressure goes up. You stop dead in your tracks. If you move, the Lion will see you. You try not to breathe. You try not to move. You look for escape routes. Your mind races with thoughts of how to keep your garden safe from the destruction. You go through each scenario: If I do this, then… or this, then…  Over and over you look for the solutions. You cannot find them. You start to sink into despair. The Lion sees you. It is hunting and you are the prey.

If I had only done this, or never gone out into the garden. Your mind tries to control the situation.
There is no control. The Lion is ready to pounce. The walls wide open he sees a crack and he attacks.
 
We have all been there- frozen with the deer in the headlights look in our eyes.
What do we do? What do we do? 

We must then and there become a Safari Survivor.

We must find a possibility that brings us back our garden beauty and allows us to roam free in our Garden of Life.
 
Our possibility may be no longer communicating with the Lion who cannot respect us. We may have to grieve the loss of that relationship and face that loss.

Our possibility may be standing our ground and facing the Lion, being brutally honest to get our feelings out in public.

Our possibility may be going to talk to a professional who can help us set our own boundaries and heal the wounds that are inside of us from the trauma we endured before.

Our possibility may be that we simply walk right by the Lion and keep on living our life, no longer in fight or flee.

Our possibilities are our own. We get to create them. We get to choose what attitude, what Story, what feelings, thoughts, and how this Lion affects our inner world. They may have hurt us in the past or gotten us to acquiesce before, but  we are now Possibility People and we get to choose. 
 
No Lion, Antelope, tribe, group, or person gets to choose how we see this world and how we live in it. We get to choose. We get to put the Story on our lives that we wish.
 
We may commiserate with others. We may talk or hash it out to brain storm ideas or go to a support group to learn new psychological tools. But we must always remember that our most important Garden of Life is ours, within our own minds and our own hearts.

We get to choose how we see people, how we see the world, and how we react to the Lions in our lives.
 
Lions will attack. That is what they do. They are carnivores who must kill for food. We do not need to be their prey. We can walk away.

We can find our Zen.

We can create an internal garden that is not destroyed by every word they speak or possible action they take.

​To do this, we must be strong enough to look at our reactions to the Lions honestly.
- Why do we react the way we do?
- Where is the hurt?
- Where can we heal?

Once you have seen the Lion for who they are, you must then look at yourself. If you are solid in who you are, the Lion will back down. You will be able to stand on your own, a true survivor.

This takes the brutal ability to be a Safari Survivor. You must be willing and able to choose your own path. If you cannot do that, you will never be free of the Lions in life. For there are many and they roam among us.
 
We cannot control Lions. They are meant to be wild. But how we choose to live with them is up to us. We get to choose our own possibilities. We get to create our own gardens and live our own lives! We get to choose!
 
We get to choose possibility. What possibility are you choosing today?

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Your Optional Short Cut:
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and tune into your heart space, and ask yourself:
 
- What Lion are you facing today? It is a belief system, a person, an old wound, or a new fear?
- What possibility can help you find your freedom and be a Safari Survivor?
 
What ideas come to you?
 
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***** YOU ARE A SHINING STAR! *****
 

* These Possibility Pauses are for you to hit the pause button in your life for just a moment to get answers, ideas, solutions, and hope that you might not otherwise get moving through life on auto-pilot.
 
Feel free to share your insights and the feelings you get from these Pauses with those in your life. I
f they wish to join The Star Shine Club, they too can get the new Possibility Pause emails each week and discounts on The Possibility Path programs!
We’d love to have them.
 
Thanks for taking a moment to hit pause and open up to Possibility!

 August 25, 2019 - Possibility Pause 
© JP,  Jeannine Proulx, A Possibility Pause
The Star Shine Club
www.thepossibilitypath.com
 
 
Appreciate you, all you are, and all you do to bring life and possibility to the world, starting with your inner world!
 
Here’s to the possibilities to come!
 

#39- The Life of a Lighthouse Keeper
 
PART II
 
Being a caretaker is easy. We know how to be caretakers. If you caretake for a child, you feed, clothe, soothe, provide, and make sure that child’s needs are taken care of. If you care take for a car, you fill it with gas, you clean it up, and you get it checked out. You take care of it when it needs fixing.

But to be a Lighthouse Keeper is something totally different.
 
To be a Lighthouse Keeper is a new way of living and a new way of looking at caretaking. Notice it is not called Lighthouse Caretakers. They are called Keepers. All you must do is keep the light shining. Your job is not to fix, change, or make it different or better.

Your job is to keep that light shining bright so those ships lost and looking to find their way will have a light to follow into port, safe on shore.
 
But to keep the light shining is a full time job! You must say “No” a lot. You are not to leave your lighthouse. You are not to go row out into the ocean or lake and seek or search for those who are lost if they cry for help. If you do this, the light in the lighthouse will go out, for there will be no one there to keep it lit. There are other people who swim out to rescue.

That is not your job. Your job is to stay still and shine your light.
 
You do not need to change this lighthouse. It is the color it is to make it be seen by others out there in the foggy days and cloudy nights. There is nothing to fix or change.  The lighthouse is there by design to be who it is, in the place and manner it was created.

There is nothing wrong with a lighthouse. It just needs a lot of maintenance, time, and care to keep it looking new, and well, keep it shining bright.
 
To be a lighthouse and a lighthouse keeper is not easy. You do not get vacations. You do not get time off. You do not get a chance to go see other shores, to go find others places to be or do or rescue like a life guard would. You do not get to jump into the storm, but you also do not get to run away from them either.

Your job is to stand still, be the strength in the fury of the wind, and keep that light shining.
 
This job is not for the faint of heart. It is a lot of work to keep that light shining. There are many storms, and even sunlight that will beat on the lighthouse and wear it down. There are waves and wind and birds and weather that will eat away at the paint and chip the windows. There is solitude and often lonely times. There is much to learn and you must become adapt at being a mechanic, a housekeeper, a painter, a landscaper, and most importantly, an expert in keeping that light lit.
 
It takes a lot of work, perseverance, and an ability to forge ahead during times when others would stop and quit. There is very little applause or praise for doing your job. People do not stop and cheer when the lighthouse is lit up bright, but they do complain when it goes out.

But there are good things too about being a Lighthouse Keeper too.
 
There are those moments when a ship comes into the channel and blows its horn in appreciation for finding its way all because it could see your light and says “I could not have done it without you!” There are days when the sun is shining and the paint is new and the waves are calm and the fishermen stop to give you their latest catch and have dinner near the fire.

There are times at night when the stars are so bright you can feel as if you can touch them, and you feel immense gratitude you have chosen to be out here on the edge of it all instead of in town where the loud noisy lights block the sky.
 
A Lighthouse Keeper can feel as though they are very far away sometimes, but at the same time you are closer to the connection of it all, the space of life that is the between zone of beach, earth, sky, and water. You are the one holding the space on the shore to help those find their way. You are the one providing that safe harbor! You are the one whose work means the most of all. Without you, there would be no light to help those find their way. Without you, there would be no direction, no guidance, no place for others to look to when they are lost.

Without you there would be no way to find home.
 
Your Lighthouse is you. Your body, your spirit, your psychological health, emotional well being, and I the Observer all rolled into one. You are a Lighthouse. Not everyone is. Most cannot handle this job. They are content running around chasing the children, trying to keep them clean, and polishing their cars so everyone will see how good they look. Their worth comes from what is seen outside of themselves.
 
To be Lighthouse means your contribution to the world comes from inside.

It is the work you do inside the structure that is you that helps shine your light. It is you that is the light and your inner work is the work that keeps that light bright. Without it you are nothing more than a building on a beach.
 
Not everyone can be a Lighthouse Keeper.

It takes a very unique person to be able to handle the job. It takes a very unique person to be able to stand tall and strong and face the storms when they come, keeping that light lit in the darkness when everyone else runs and hides. It is not a job for the faint of heart. But it is a magnificent job.
 
It is a job full of adventure and possibility, for every day is a different day! You never know who is going to come in off those waves into harbor. You never know what weather will bring. You get to wear so many different hats. Each day is a day to stretch your learning muscles and face a new adventure.

It is never boring, never dull, and never a time when there is not something new to learn. It is the adventure of a lifetime.
 
And if you do your job as a Lighthouse Keeper well, when you need that energy, when you need that strength, when you need that light, it will shine so bright the whole world will see you shine.
 
You are an incredible being, a glorious light! You are a rare and much needed person in this planet, in this world, in this human society today. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, or take away the possibilities that await you as the Lighthouse you are meant to be.

Shining your light is not an easy job, but it is so needed and so worth it!
 
Being a Lighthouse Keeper is the secret to having wonderful relationships full of respect, honor, integrity, peace, love, and joy in the unique people that inhabit our world with us.

Feel into the joy that being you brings in this world, and let it shine and Open Up to the Possibility that you might just love the job of a Lighthouse Keeper.
 
 
Your Optional Short Cut:
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and tune into your heart space, and ask yourself:
 
- How does it feel thinking of yourself as a Lighthouse?
- What priorities in your life would you have to change to be a Lighthouse Keeper?
 
 
What ideas come to you?
 
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***** YOU ARE A SHINING STAR! *****
 
* These Possibility Pauses are for you to hit the pause button in your life for just a moment to get answers, ideas, solutions, and hope that you might not otherwise get moving through life on auto-pilot.
 

Thanks for taking a moment to hit pause and open up to Possibility!
Appreciate you, all you are, and all you do to bring life and possibility to the world, starting with your inner world! Here’s to the possibilities to come!
 
 
© JP, Jeannine Proulx, A Possibility Pause
The Star Shine Club
www.thepossibilitypath.com

 
***If you know of someone else who is interested in becoming a Star Shine Club Member and get personal insight and weekly NEW content,  go to the Star Shine Club page or Patreon.com/thepossibiltypath
 
 

38- From Caretaker to Lighthouse Keeper: People are not cars.
 
A Caretaker job description is to take care of people, places, and things. In today’s world we see that as an outward expression of how much love those people, places, and things.

We pay attention to them. We do for them. We give to them. We cook for them. We feed them. We clean them. We clothe them. We heal them. These are the words that have been mirrored to us in the well engrained texts of our lives. We must do for others to show them that we care.

If we love someone we must do for them.
 
If we are empathic people who are visionaries and can see all possibilities, we can take this a step further. We can feel what other people want us to give to them. We see that when we do what other people want us to do, it makes them happy. We want those we love to be happy, so we keep doing for them. We keep doing and doing and doing for them.

This we see as a sign of our love and an example of being a good daughter or son, a good spouse, a good parent, a good friend.
 
But what happens when what someone wants us to do for them is not good for us?
 
As we move along our own Possibility Path, growing and getting to know ourselves better, we learn what we need to be happy, healthy, and shining in this world. We learn what makes us mean and angry and what makes us loving and kind toward others. We learn that by taking care of ourselves, we become better people, shiny Lighthouses to show people the way to shore.

We learn that when our light dims, so too does our capacity to care for people. We realize that we can get angry and resentful towards the people we are “caretaking” for and those relationships can fracture or even get broken because of it. We love our connection to others and want peace in our relationships. This can leave us at a crossroads with the traditional idea of caretaking.
 
This moment when what others need or want for us to do for them conflicts with what we need to do to keep ourselves well, is a huge opportunity to completely change our definition of caretaking. It is time to become a Lighthouse Keeper.
 
To be a Lighthouse to the World is the perfect example of The Possibility Path motto:
“When you are in a better space, the world is a better place.”
 
We are often taught caretaking is the exact opposite: if the world and those we love are in a better space, then we can be in a better place. If others are happy, we feel satisfied and feel that we did a good job of caretaking.
 
Our whole definition for how good we are in the world is then based on how well others are. That means those we love must always be happy and well for us to be happy. We are completely dependent on others living life as we define happy and well to then make us look, feel, or be shown as a good Caretaker.
 
If we are the Caretaker for a car, for example, and this car is broken down, makes lots of noise, hasn’t been washed in ages, and putts down the road with its exhaust blowing black smoke, what does that say about you?

Are you proud of yourself and the job you are doing? How do people react to this machine you are supposed to be taking care of?
 
In being a Caretaker of others we treat them as if they are a car. If they are shiny, look pretty, and perform well in the world, then we feel pride. We have done our jobs well. We are good workers! We have done well. We (and the world outside) defines us as good friends, good parents, good sons and daughters, good people, and good caretakers.
 
But people are not cars.
 
People are people. They each have their own individual paths to walk. They each have their own point of view. They each have their own journey. They each have their own lives to live. Even the smallest of children has their own I the Observer that sees the world in a completely different way than we do. People have their own internal lives, their own voices, their own paths.

Not only are we all different and have these amazing internal lives we are living, we are in vehicles that constantly break down and are designed to age, wear out, and die.
 
If we are caretaking for others the way we care take for a car, we are missing out on the complexity of what it means to be a human being and have human connection and relationships with others. People are not cars.
 
But, there is a way that moves us into an open, loving, authentic, and honest way of living that respects people for all their inner workings and their own path. It is the Life of a Lighthouse Keeper and it is one that is not for the faint of heart.

​For to be a Lighthouse Keeper means we need to turn our eyes away from thinking others must be shiny and clean for us to be seen as good caretakers, and instead pay attention to our own inner lives, our own perceptions, our own gardens, our own path, and care take for ourselves in a way that has often been labeled selfish up until now.
 
For being a Lighthouse Keeper is the secret to having wonderful relationships full of respect, honor, integrity, peace, love, and joy in the unique people that inhabit our world with us.
 
How to do that? We will continue that in Part II. For now, know that there is a way to sit and be in a better space without the world being a “better” place at all!

It all starts with the simple change from Caretaker to Lighthouse Keeper. It ends with Opening up to Possibility on a scale that can take that broken down car and see it as an antique jalopy full of joy. One simple Possibility Perspective change changes everything, and with it can change the world.
 
 
To be continued… part II next!
 
© JP, Jeannine Proulx, A Possibility Pause
The Star Shine Club
www.thepossibilitypath.com

 
Your Optional Short Cut:
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and tune into your heart space, and ask yourself:
 
- When the idea of caretaking was mentioned, who came to mind in your life immediately?
- What do you do to care take for this person?
- If they are not shiny, happy, or well, how does it make you feel? Why?
 
 
What ideas come to you?
 
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***** YOU ARE A SHINING STAR! *****
 
These Possibility Pauses are for you to hit the pause button in your life for just a moment to get answers, ideas, solutions, and hope that you might not otherwise get moving through life on auto-pilot.
Thanks for taking a moment to hit pause and open up to Possibility!

Appreciate you, all you are, and all you do to bring life and possibility to the world, starting with your inner world! Here’s to the possibilities to come!
 
 
© JP, Jeannine Proulx, A Possibility Pause
The Star Shine Club
www.thepossibilitypath.com

 
***If you know of someone else who is interested in becoming a Star Shine Club Member and get personal insight and weekly NEW content,  go to the Star Shine Club page or Patreon.com/thepossibiltypath